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Obviously we all know this month’s major update.

Equally obviously, I can’t change what has happened. All I can do is try to move on.

But move on where? Carrying on like this means that someone is definitely going to get hurt – and the likelihood is that someone is going to be me.

Basically Heckler didn’t want to share me with an increasing number of SDs, and who could blame him? To be totally honest, I didn’t want to share him either, but I had no choice but to. We met at the right time, but in the wrong circumstances.

To be honest, leaving the bowl, and disbanding the stable is definitely an option right now. It’s not going to get Heckler back, but this is not the life I’d envisioned for myself a year ago. I’ve had lots of fun, but I sometimes miss not having to watch what time I send a text message or make a phone call, just so an SD can avoid questions from a suspicious spouse. I miss being able to share boyfriend gossip with my friends over a glass of wine.

I have lots of thinking to be done in the foreseeable future.

In other news…

Water Man has been MIA since the beginning of last month.

I was scheduled to see Shrek last Tuesday night, but had to cancel. We have spoken briefly since.

I saw Bertie on Wednesday, and can’t emphasise enough how grateful I am for all his support.

Likewise with Forty, which brings me nicely to last Monday – before the major events of last week. We met in a city centre hotel, and amongst other things, we talked about hopes and dreams. I got to thinking about what my hopes for myself were and how far removed they were from my current situation. Needless to say, I was upset. (I’m crying now just typing this.) It was a very strange situation to be crying on the shoulder of a man I’d known for barely a fortnight. But in a way, it was special too. Maybe it was a premonition…