If you care to revisit my previous entry, you’ll find Heckler has responded with a link to his blog with the situation from his point of view. It certainly gave me some food for thought. I genuinely was unaware of Heckler’s discomfort with the situation, but I’d assumed that if there had been a problem, it could be raised, addressed and resolved.
I was up all Monday night crying – I’ve run out of tears and got absolutely zero sleep until 9am. The irony is that just over a year ago, I ended an 18 month relationship, and I am more upset about losing Heckler, a man who was never mine for 6 months, than the man who was officially mine for nearly a year and a half. I supposed karma came to bite me hard!
I’m angry at me for losing my focus and not appreciating what I already had, and angry at Heckler too for just walking away without trying to address things. He was my lover, friend, benefactor and mentor – did he not have a vested interest in the relationship?
We did exchange emails over the course of yesterday – which ended with me sending Heck a message mid afternoon which went unanswered. When I read his blog, I sent another email – more like a stream of consciousness. That will probably never be answered either, and we’ll just end our days doing pingbacks on each other’s blogs, instead of actually talking to each other.
So where does Miss B go from here?
Well, I certainly don’t want to, but it seems like I must start by consigning my relationship with Heckler to the past. I’ve told him the stable door is open should he ever need me, but we both know he is going nowhere near the fucker. Heckler – you’re always welcome to surprise me and prove me wrong though…
Many thanks to Shrek, Bertie and Forty for all their support over the past couple of days.